I have a confession, yesterday I backed into someone's car. . . But something unexpected happened.
So it all started with me taking a quick 2 minute trip to the nearby gas station. I'm in Kansas for Christmas and visiting my cousins, so the area is a bit unfamiliar. I know the city pretty well but I've only driven here a few times, and my cousin lives on the outskirts of town, an area I haven't explored much. Then on my way back, I realized I didn't have her address, so I couldn't use my GPS.
I went through my google location history, thinking it would be easy to get back. I found the general area, so I thought I was ok. But I didn't recognize the house at night and I was relying on my memory of the house across and it's Christmas lights. I drove right past it several times.
Driving, driving, and driving some more it reached the two-hour mark and I was exhausted because I haven't slept yet and it was 6 am. I was about to go onto another road but realized there was one closer that would keep me in the general area. I backed up and hit something behind me. I looked in my mirror and realized someone sitting in their car turned on the lights. And I said "fuck" realizing the stupidness I just committed.
Now the two problems are I wasn't paying enough attention, and my backup lights are extremely dim, so I can't see backing up unless there are street lights. I got out and instantly started apologizing profusely, I felt awful. I told him I was gonna go in my car and move it forward so we could see the damage, and I'd grab my insurance papers.
So I did and we found out my car was completely fine (jeeps are tanks) but my spare tire on the back had dented his car. And I felt terrible. Now my insurance rates would go up insanely and I wouldn't be able to afford it. But the whole time I'm apologizing, he's saying it's ok. I told him about how I was lost for two hours and that I was going to turn the other way to keep looking for a home.
The guy wasn't that worried and he said he wasn't going to call my insurance company unless his engine had damage. I honestly wanted to cry from how kind he was to me. Then he asked me if I was spiritual or considered Christianity any. I'm an agnostic atheist for many reasons, but in the moment I just told him I haven't. I was fearing some judgement because I've been put through a lot of shit in my family for "not believing" but what he said really surprised me.
"Do you know where you are going when you die," he asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, where do you think you would go if you died in that crash? Heaven or Hell?" He said.
"Well I don't know, really," I said.
Then he told me I would be going up with Jesus. To me, that meant a lot since it was coming from an elderly Christian man. Normally I'd be told I'd go to hell or die (from Witnesses). And he doesn't believe that a good person who just doesn't believe would be punished to damnation for eternity. So I thanked him, got his contact information just in case he would call my insurance. And he invited me to church for later that morning. He told me there would be donuts and coffee, and that the speaker there would be very good. I told him I would go, besides I owed him a shit ton for being so forgiving on my accident. He asked me if I was ok, and I lied and said yea (to be honest I was still a bit freaked out). Then he said, "I think this was meant to happen. Don't worry about the dent, I'll see you in church and maybe you could consider Jesus". He prayed for me, then I thanked him again, and we parted ways. So I finally get home by calling my aunt and getting the address. Then I got to work finally cleaning out my car and thought about the whole situation in my head. I wanted so badly to just sleep after I was done cleaning my car, but I knew I had to get ready for church. Even though I don't believe, after that kindness for my fuckup, it was the right thing to do. So I pulled on a dress and did my makeup, the whole time building up the anxiety of what-ifs.
"What if I get called out? What if everyone is watching me? What if they don't like me or judge me?" too many to say the least.
So I finally get ready to go; grab the coffee, grab my special bracelet, and turn on some Lil Peep in my jeep to calm the nerves. When I get there I see him at the greeting door, he was one of the church leaders. He welcomes me and asked if I got home ok and if I was ok. He didn't even mention the accident in front of anyone else, which was even more compassionate. He showed me the doughnuts and coffee, then introduced me to a nice lady in the back to sit next to.
At first, they sang some Christmas hymns. Then the sermon was about Christmas and baby Jesus, with a point of how people are becoming a bit too materialistic around the holidays. Which I agree with but for me, it's about family, friends, and tradition, not so much the religious part. There wasn't a single time the pastor seemed judgemental of others, and he didn't trash on other cultures either. (I'm pretty used to it, at my old church, they always talked about how people who celebrate Hannuka or Kwanza are just stupid, and hateful shit like that) To say the least, I was presently surprised, and I actually found myself enjoying the story because he is also a teacher and included a lot of historical facts and the meaning of Hebrew words in English, during the sermon. The lady next to me also helped me navigate the bible, as she realized I was trying to follow along and just couldn't find the right page quick enough.
After the sermon, some people came up to meet me. It wasn't the same horde I'm used to at my old church that gives me anxiety because of the sheer amount of hand shakers. They were actually really cool. The speaker came up and we high fived because I saw his National Honors Society pin. The lady who helped me navigate the bible asked me all about where I was from and what brought me to Kansas. Then the last lady and I talked for a very long time about college, and she gave me a lot of advice. She also gave me a book before she left with some interesting facts about animals with her contact information on it. She told me she would pray for me and my goal to live in Colorado again.
I think my usual perception of all Christians has been unfair. I generalized that group of people as harsh, critical, hypocritical, judgemental, unforgiving and more because of my experiences with my family who are Baptists or my mom who is Jehova's Witness. There are still issues with a lot of Christianity, but I don't have the time or motivation to open that can of worms right now. But after seeing how kind that man was, and how friendly those people at that church I met were. I feel a lot better about being around Christians. I won't be opposed to them completely anymore. Next time I'm in Kansas, I'll even visit that church. I owe that man a lot for his kindness and I genuinely enjoyed it. Even though I don't believe in the Bible at all, haha.
So if you're reading this and you're an atheist like me, remember to open your eyes and not be closed off to theists (so long as they are respectful and kind of course). If you're theistic, particularly Christian, remember that kindness goes much further than judgement and hate. I get that sometimes it's easy to get caught up in fearing, judging, and generalizing others who are different, so please don't feel like I am judging you for that. My eyes have been opened to the fact that I have been doing that myself, for years, because I became afraid of Christians. Lastly to everyone, genuine criticism doesn't always come from a hateful place, it comes from love or a wish to help others understand how to do things in a better way. If it seems hateful, maybe just ignore it. If it seems to be based on facts or come from a loving place, maybe consider some of those criticisms.
Wishing you all love, peace, and kindness,
Alien Girl